I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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