Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
