Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
