I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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