dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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