I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
