nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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