Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
