i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
