So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
