It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
