Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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