a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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