I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
