im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
