if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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