Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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