My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
