My friends, they love my intelligence
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
