I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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