I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
