a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
