"it" just moved
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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