My first STD was from a foam party
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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