Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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