OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
