i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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