I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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