There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
where are you?
Hypothermia
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
