I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
