Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
