It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
