just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
