I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
