I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
