I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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