I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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