Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
