Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
