Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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