i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
