btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
