she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
