i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
