If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
