I can text with my tongue
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
