I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
