I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
