I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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