too bad you live with your parents still
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
