...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
