it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i believe in u and ur pee
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
