Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
