i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
