i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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