put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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