Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
