genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
