watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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