Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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