It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
