guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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