he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
