His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
